First Impressions: The world is flat and my biggest annoyance is the water pressure

I withheld my thoughts on the move to date because I was jet lagged, homesick, really angered at the fact that I had to fly coach (mostly because the guy next to me was smelly) and had a cranky demeanor. Today I feel like myself.

And so we begin...

Five days after arriving in Abu Dhabi, methinks waking up at half past five to the call for prayer is really one of the major signs I am in a new place. However, there is a strong indication that the world may be flatter than ever. Why?

1) Though older episodes are aired on TV (a few channels above Al Jazeera and Iraqisport), I was able to get Grey's Anatomy (which I feel jumped the shark years ago but feeds my tired brain with mindless dribble occasionally) via the world wide web last night. I think we may try to see a movie here just to see how that goes, as recently released films are available with Arabic subtitles!

2) www.gofugyourself.com is not blocked and thus, THIS pleased me, and should please you as well (or add to your shopping list). WHY did it please me?! Besides the lovely coat and the entertaining commentary re: The Hills, I was pleased because I don't need coats for 2 years (yet again) and can spend my coat and winter clothes funds on things like "savings" or better, "bags and shoes." Fan-bloody-tastic. Oh, also I love how The Hills totally sucks now that the two reasonably sane individuals from the original “cast” have gone on to greener pastures. I may have to read some of these so-called young adult books. Just as mindless as Grey's Anatomy but without Katherine Heigl's mediocre acting and annoying "frustrated" face. Side note: the previous 200 words are probably why you are my friend but are also likely sources of the problems facing the world. Just saying, this is not the place to find intelligent thought unrelated to popular culture. My apologies, really.

3) IKEA. Same furniture, same art. They even had hot dogs!

4) People drive like crazy in all sorts of cars (mostly Japanese and German, but I’ve seen a few Chevys around), and while there are roundabouts and highways under construction, generally everyone drives on the right side of the road. It’s a little more reckless than I anticipated, but not as bad as everyone described.

5) Material girls, all over the place. Logo bags…everywhere. Even if a woman is covered from head to toe (literally, with a black sheer material covering her entire face), she’s got a great bag under her arm and fantastic shoes covering her toes. It’s like going to a school that requires a uniform. If you want to express yourself, accessorize. (For those counting along at home, that is two Madonna references thus far).

6) Malls. Malls are everywhere. Malls are bigger than they are in the States and everyone goes to them because it’s too hot in summer months to do anything else. Ergo, big, jam packed shopping centers (with his and hers prayer rooms to boot). This place is as consumerist as any, they just show it in different ways.

7) Geographically, I am closer to most phone help desks now than I was in the States. So when I call India for assistance I think I may start my call with the live representative with: “ ‘Ello neighbor! Fancy helping me out with this IT pickle I’ve gotten into at my flat?

Signs that I am in a new place:

1) Lots of Brits and Aussies are here -- which is refreshing, actually. Of course, I can see why Washington, Adams et. al. got annoyed with them after a while, what with the taxes and all the rules, etc.; but for the most part, they are lovely. Also, as I understand it, now if you leave the UK and go to another place, you apparently don't pay any taxes. That's progress. Alas, for the single ladies, there is no shortage of attractive, accented men. Highlight: I had a discussion about biscuits and cookies today. Cookies are biscuits but richer and usually with chocolate chips. Crackers are salty biscuits. Biscuits, as in, "biscuits and gravy" OR "bacon egg and cheese biscuit", are foreign to the Aussies and the Brits (and, as expected, the only bacon I am getting anytime soon is turkey bacon). Let’s not even address the subject of language and grammar and skip to hoping the two final films in the Harry Potter series are released in a timely fashion in these parts. Woot!

2) As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy this country has Coke Lite and food that I can easily identify and pronounce (kabobs and hummus abound, friends!). However, the food is less processed, which hopefully results in weight loss -- though don't think I didn't find microwave popcorn to hold me over until my popcorn popper arrives, which will be months from now based on how everything else is moving along...

3) Things I don’t have in my house: fast internet, good water pressure, a clothes dryer, a coffee pot, a big enough closet, enough electrical outlets for the toaster and the microwave and the fridge....

4) Things I do have in my house: a bidet, a foyer(!), A really uncomfortable bed...

Everyone says Americans take things for granted (and don’t think I didn’t send my Emergency Person, who arrives next month, a list of minor items that I had to have – e.g. anti-perspirant that also functions as deodorant, a Kindle so I can read, etc.). This statement is tough to refute, as even after major natural disasters and terrorists attacks, we’re still a bunch of fat people who cannot put down our forks full of processed food and turn off our televisions long enough to have any perspective. Still, the fact that I can log on to my laptop and call my mother halfway around the world and see my dog in a video chat is not unbelievable to me. To a generation or so older than I, it’s mind-blowing. Ten years ago, in the same position, I could not have made this move. Yet here I am, able to watch the Super Bowl (even at 2 AM) and later download the commercials I missed on YouTube. So here’s to being fat and lazy ANYWHERE!

While this blog is an update on my first impressions of Abu Dhabi, it is also an effort to reassure friends and family and naysayers that I am not in the third world, in any kind of danger, or that far away (virtually, of course). There may be laws and cultural issues that will affect my life – for example, I cannot buy a bunch of booze and host a cocktail party, pick up a bottle of wine to share with dinner, or cohabitate with my Emergency Person (probably a good thing given the closet size); but the fact that my roommate and I filled up two carts at IKEA and two other fantastic home stores and couldn’t fit a giant piece of art in our car (which resulted in my wheeling the art BACK into IKEA and nearly taking out a few Emirati exiting the mall while I was at it), reminded me that I was not so far away at all. Simply put, I can make a complete ass of myself anywhere. The only exception is, in this country, said foolery cannot involve alcohol. But c’mon, who says I ever needed the sauce to be silly or make bad decisions? I can do that solo.