As I’ve indicated before, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. The EP flew out to the US for a meeting (I love this, for the record. Homeboy just got here and now he’s back on a plane. Further, I’m the one that needs a few days of USA shopping and pork products! He gets all the luck!), so the roomie and I headed to Dubai to the mall that has the ski slope. We got depressed in Crate & Barrel because our former kitchen (lovely, large, functional) kicks the proverbial ass of our current situation (small, closed-in, not functional). We made some intelligent purchases at other stores (including yoga mats!) and enjoyed a nice afternoon in Dubai. Until we got back on the road.
It is about one hour on one long road to get from Dubai to Abu Dhabi. And the Emirati drivers are loco. They come up behind you going at lightning speed with no indication of slowing down and suddenly, you have to get out of the lane. Usually there are cars in all lanes adjacent to yours, so it's a little scary. Even if it's not that busy - suddenly you're surrounded by vehicles unwilling to get the hell out of your way so you can jerk out of your lane and resume your best Danica Patrick until some other crackpot bullies you out of your lane a few minutes later. Eventually things calm down and you have a few moments to look around and confirm that you have not been transported to the Autobahn - you're merely in the middle of nowhere in a Middle Eastern desert.
Needless to say, it has truly been a delight driving here to date minus a few “near death by speeding Emirati” incidents. Until yesterday.
So we’re driving and the car beeps at us (as in, the car we're driving) at 120 kph because the speed limit is somewhere around there but apparently they don’t ticket you via big brother radar thingies until you hit 150 or 160. Either way, I am comfortable around 125/130. Not too crazy. But because of the psycho Emirati, you can only do cruise control for a little while and since it’s a newer car that I am not too familiar with, I was having a tough time and getting annoyed every time these crazy guys were coming up behind me.
Nevertheless, we motored on. And these weird guys in really nice cars (one in a Porsche Cayenne and another in a Mercedes that had two doors and drove really fast -- clearly my car knowledge is basic at best) would purposefully get close to our car, flash their lights and wave their arms.
Freaked out, the roomie and I were like, “WHAT THE @#$%?!” Here we are, just trying to get home after a successful shopping trip and these guys are waving at us and making us nervous. I mean, I have seen the movie Taken (and my roommate had a sketchy experience at the Cairo airport in this regard), so I really don’t want to communicate with strange men in the middle of nowhere (e.g. the road from Dubai to Abu Dhabi, the desert, etc.). So we are starting to get a little nervous. WHY OH WHY are they waving at us?!!? Is this some sketchy custom? We're so confused. We're not pulling over. I am changing lanes, going slow, getting out of the way. Still, the waving from these cars does not cease.
This goes on for some time and we are beyond nervous and jumpy when I say, “maybe we have something wrong, like a tail light out.” No, we think. They are just waving at us because they hate us or they want to take us and sell us into prostitution or something.
Then I look at the little knob to the left of the steering wheel that controls the lights on my car and it dawns on me that they keep blinking their lights, not because I am driving slow or because they want me to pull over so they can take me somewhere and try to negotiate a ransom, but because my lights are not on. They were trying to help. And after a while, I think they were kind of pissed I didn't turn my lights on.
Jesus.
I am officially an asshole. Here we were, assuming the crazy guy in the Mercedes wanted to kidnap us and put us on TV when really, he was trying to help us out by giving us the INTERNATIONAL SIGN FOR “TURN ON YOUR DAMNED LIGHTS, LADY!”
So much for self-exploration this weekend.
For fun, check out the following -- the trailer also has some fantastic misconceptions with regard to hanging out in Abu Dizzle: SATC2
Over and out.
0 comments:
Post a Comment